Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
