I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
