Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
