Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
