Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
