Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
