her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize