i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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