Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
