Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
