worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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