You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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