I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
