if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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