i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
