i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
