I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
