i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
