I smell stomach acid.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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