He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
