Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
