I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
