I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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