what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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