So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
