Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
