she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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