I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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