I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just cropdusted the office
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
