ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
