maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
