dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
