Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
