Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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