Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
