Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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