So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
