the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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