Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
