I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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