The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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