the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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