its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
