i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
