You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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