I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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