how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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