Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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