walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
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You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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