Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
