I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
