if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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