he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
