This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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