There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
