i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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