The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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