I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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