see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
