I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
