He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
