a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
