a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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