It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
