booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
