I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
