Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I would ride that face into the sunset
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize