Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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