your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
