I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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