Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
